Problems and How To Contend With Them
Biblically-2
Chapters 3 and 4
Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D.
© January 2000
Chapter 3: Problems: God's
Tools Of Transformation
THE NATURAL RESPONSE TO PROBLEMS
THE GODLY RESPONSE TO PROBLEMS
PROBLEMS: GOD'S TOOLS OF TRANSFORMATION
HOW GOD USES PROBLEMS
Chapter
4: Principles Of Biblical Problem Solving
CATEGORIZE THE PROBLEM
HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS THAT ARE
BEYOND YOUR POWER TO CHANGE
EXAMINE THE CHANGEABLE PROBLEM
CAREFULLY
IDENTIFY THE ROOT PROBLEM
Chapter 3 Problems: God's Tools Of
Transformation
Understand How God Uses Problems To
Transform Us
"Several years back I came across some material that
was invaluable in helping me understand how God uses problems in the lives of
His Children as tools of transformation, transforming us to be Christ-like.
The main points of the outline are not my own but taken from David A. Clemens
notebook entitled Living -- Volume 3 published
by the Bible Club Movement.
How do you view the problems that come your way?
Too often we look at and our problems in a negative light. We respond to them
naturally, from the perspective of the natural man. We look at the trials of
life as enemies. We allow problems to upset us, frustrate us and make us
angry. And that's not all. The truth be known, we often grumbled and
complained when problems come our way. But,
as a believer we must confess this as sin and realize that we must look at
problems from a Biblical point of view and respond accordingly. Let me explain
further.
THE GODLY RESPONSE TO PROBLEMS
God
uses problems as TOOLS OF TRANSFORMATION, for good, to develop Christ-likeness
in us. We should be thankful for that. Paul's words apply -- 1
Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus
concerning you. The Godly response to problems is thankfulness that God is
using them to transform us into Christ-like people.
PROBLEMS: GOD'S TOOLS OF TRANSFORMATION
Job
came to understand the purpose of the problems God was allowing in His life.
We read in Job 23:10 But he knoweth the way that I
take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
Likewise,
Peter understood how God uses problems too. He tells us we can rejoice in
problems because problems refine us and encourage us to get the sins out of
our life so that when we meet the Lord face to face our lives will glorify,
praise and honor Him -- 1 Peter 1:6-7 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are
in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7 That the trial of your faith,
being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with
fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of
Jesus Christ
That brings me to the paramount scripture passage
that confirms the conforming power of "all
things," even problems, that God allows to come into a believers
life. Paul wrote in Romans 8:28-29, "all things work together for
good to them that love God to them who are called according to his
purposes. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be
conformed to the image of his Son..."
Since God does use all things, even problems to
conform us to Christ-likeness we need to look at…
The Third Principle of Biblical Problem Solving: Understanding How God Uses
Problems To Conform Us To Christ-likeness
GOD USES PROBLEMS TO...
Humble
Us
Make
Us Dependent On Him
Chasten
& Instruct Us
To
Develop Our Character
To
Prepare Us To Help Others
Let's consider each point individually.
- God uses
problems to...HUMBLE US
One of the most devastating character traits that
can mark an individual is PRIDE. In Proverbs
16:5 says, "Every one that is
proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD: though hand join in hand, he
shall not be unpunished."
The attitude of pride curtails the believers
usefulness for the cause of Christ. God wants to use us effectively. He wants
us to be like Christ...humble (Phil. 2:1-8). To accomplish that end, He may use problems to humble us. That's
what he did with Israel. Deuteronomy
8:2 says, "And thou shalt
remember all the way which the LORD thy God led the these forty years in the
wilderness, to humble thee..."
Let me bring things down on the level we live. I
have been asked numerous times throughout my years of ministry questions like,
"If God really loves me, why
doesn't he take away this physical difficulty." Or "Why did God allow this to happen to me?" Perhaps the
answer is the same one Paul realized in 2
Corinthians 12:7-10. Paul needed to be humbled so he could be used by God.
God knew something about Paul the even he did not know. That was, his emerging
pride would keep him from being fully used by the Lord. So, the Lord allowed a
some sort of ongoing physical problem in Paul's life. But, God took care of
the problem by providing the necessary grace to be able to bear the problem.
Paul recognized he MUST rely on God for his strength. The truth is, "the
thorn in the flesh" problem was the secret to Paul's power because it
kept his focus on the Lord! Problems may be used by God to humble us. God
resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (I
Pet. 5:5).
Finally,
problem solving is hindered when pride is in the picture. God calls for humility (meekness) on the part of those who are trying
to resolve problems. Galatians 6:1-2 says, "Brethren,
if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an
one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be
tempted. 2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of
Christ."
- God uses problems to...MAKE US DEPENDENT ON HIM
For
Americans, it is rather easy to adopt a self-sufficient, "I can do it
myself, I don't need any help" attitude. But problems can bring us back
to reality. We need God and His direction in our lives! Jeremiah 10:23 hits the nail on the head when it says,
"O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not
in man that walketh to direct his steps." Self-sufficiency is will lead to disaster. We need God!
Perhaps Paul said it best when he wrote "Not
that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but
our sufficiency is of God;" 2
Corinthians 3:5
It did not take Israel too long to learn that
lesson during the Exodus. The wilderness experience Israel went through made
it necessary for them to depend on God. There was little "I can do it
myself" after a few weeks in the desert when their provisions were gone
and their water supply was spent. Deuteronomy
8:4 that despite their grumbling, complaining and desire to return to
Egypt God was dependable -- "Thy
raiment (clothes) waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these
forty years."
I hate to admit it, but we are too self-sufficient.
We are so busy that we don't take the time to let God talk to us through his
Word or talk to Him in prayer. Our attitude toward the Lord is "Don't
bother me now, I'm busy."
When self-sufficiency creeps into our lives that
the Lord may deem it time to go to his tool box and take out a PROBLEM and
send it our way. Why? The words of Christ recorded in John
15:5 explains it quite well -- "I
am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the
same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." Nothing
of lasting value can be accomplished apart from dependence on the Lord. God
may allow problems into our life so that we will get our eyes off of ourselves
and back them back on Him.
-
Sometimes God uses problems to...CHASTEN & INSTRUCT US
The Lord may allows problems in our lives to
chasten us. That's one of the reasons Israel faced their wilderness experience
according to Deuteronomy. 8:5 "Thou
shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the
LORD chasteneth thee." The
Hebrew word translated "chasten" has a two-fold meaning related to
our education. First,
it refers to physical chastening. Second,
it refers to verbal instruction. Let's take a closer look at these.
A. CHASTENING
No one likes to be spanked. But it may be necessary
from time to time. We must be careful not take a wrong view of the Lord's
"spankings." He has corrective intentions not punitive intentions.
The punishment the Lord administered to Christians is not for the purpose of
extracting payment for their sins, Christ died for our sins. It is designed
to correct wrong behavior and motivate holy conduct (Heb. 12:11-14). God
wants us to grown spiritually. But, we have our own agenda. Often times we
refuse to be open to God's will until He takes us through a "woodshed
experience" where he uses just the right problem as a paddle. Then,
we are ready to listen to His instruction.
Let's move on to the second aspect of the Hebrew
word "chasten."
B. INSTRUCTION
Problems provide an opportunity for us to learn
many things.
1. Problems Provide Opportunities to Learn Obedience
Hebrews.
5:8 "Though
he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things that he suffered."
Christ learned to obey through the problems He
faced. If Christ learned that way, we should not expect any different. I think
that's why Peter says we should not be surprised when we face "fiery
trial." He understood that
there are some lessons we would not learn unless we were faced with problems.
Let's look at I Peter 4:12-13 "Beloved,
think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though
some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are
partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye
may be glad also with exceeding joy."
Problems teach us obedience.
2. Problems Provide Us With The Opportunity To
Put Theory
Into Practice
There is a wealth of Bible verses and biblical
principles that we all know. That's good. The Bible tells us to hide God's
Word in our hearts. But it is not to stop there. Just knowing is no enough.
The Pharisees knew the law inside-out. They memorized it and quoted it, BUT,
they did not practice it. You
see, KNOWING THE WORD IS THE THEORY LEVEL. But, we MUST take it a step further. WE MUST IMPLEMENT or apply THE
WORD to our daily lives. Problems provide the perfect opportunity to put
theory into practice. James reminds us "But
be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own
selves." (James 1:22) When
you know what the Word says and do not do what the word says, that is sin (James
4:17).
3.
Problems Help Us Break Old Sinful Habit Patterns
"Forasmuch
then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with
the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; That
he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men,
but to the will of God." I Peter 4:1-2
This verse is saying that the Lord uses physical
suffering to help us to break some kind of sinful habit pattern and replace it
with something that honors God.
I've seen that work. I went to visit a man in the
hospital one day. It was no secret that he was backslidden. He knew it and I
knew it. We started out with the small talk and joked a little bit. But then a
serious look came over his face. He said, "God
put me on my back so that now the only place I can look is up." As a
result of that hospital stay some sinful habit patterns were broken.
God may allow a problem to come our way to
interrupt our routine, open our eyes and allow us time to break a sinful habit
and develop new, Christ-honoring behavior.
4. Problems Motivate Us To Real Learning
I'm not sure how much real learning took place in
my first three years of college. I did OK. By that I mean I crammed enough to
pass the tests. But, my REAL learning began when I became the Assistant Pastor
of a Church. Teenagers and adults began coming to me with their questions and
their problems. That put the pressure on me. It was now my problem as well. It
was a whole new ball game. It
drove me to the books and THE BOOK, the Bible in search of answers. You see,
"real learning occurs when the student wants to know the reason for and
the solution to a problem that relates to him personally.
Turn to Psalm
119:67, 71, 75 and read them. "Before
I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word...It is good for
me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes...I know, O
LORD, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in faithfulness hast
afflicted me."
The psalmist suggests that his problems motivated
him to learn and live God's word. Why was that motivation needed? All to
often, when things are going well, we just go with the flow. We do what comes
naturally, we do what we feel like doing.
The psalmist knew that real learning, lasting
learning occurs in response to problems that come into our lives.
- Sometimes God uses problems to...DEVELOP OUR CHARACTER
"Knowing
this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her
perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." James
1:3-4
There is a little saying that goes,
Christians are like tea bags. They aren't much good until they get into
some hot water. That pretty much what James is saying.
Though
we may not like it, it seems that problems are designed to toughen us up
spiritually and make us strong so that we can endure. That's what 1
Peter 5:10 says anyway -- "But
the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ
Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish,
strengthen, settle you."
A good illustration of what I am saying is Joseph. He live a life of ease in his early days. He was a softie. He was a
self-centered, egotistical, spoiled brat. He was daddies favorite and everyone knew it.
His brothers envied him and hated him. In addition he had a superiority
complex. He thought better than the other kids in the family and let them know
it. His brothers wanted to kill him (see Gen. 37). It is obvious that Joseph
did not have much strength of character at this point in his life. But God
used problems and trials at the hands of his brothers, Mr. & Mrs. Potipher
and a prison inmate to develop his character so that he would endure and be
able to be used by God. God uses problems in the same way in our lives. May we
cooperate with God and in the end say as Joseph did to his brothers, "But
as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good...."
(Genesis 50:20).
Let's move on to the last way God uses problems.
- Sometimes God uses problems to...PREPARE US TO HELP
OTHERS
2
Corinthians 1"3-4 "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord
Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; who
comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them
which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted
of God."
When we learn to handle our problems according to
the principles and promises of God, we have the responsibility to help others
to do the same thing. Learning to handle problems Biblically prepares us to
help others who are going through tough times.
SUMMARY
Problems are a part of our educational curriculum
in God's College of Conformation. All believers are working for their Ph.D. in
Christ-likeness (whether they like it or not) . We must not look at problems
as the enemy but ask the Lord to help us to understand His purpose in the
problem we face and cooperate with Him so as to grow in Christ-likeness
through the problem.
Remember…
GOD USES PROBLEMS TO...
Humble
Us
Make
Us Dependent On Him
Chasten
& Instruct Us
To
Develop Our Character
To
Prepare Us To Help Others
Chapter
4 Principles Of Biblical Problem Solving
Define
The Problem Accurately
We have already looked at three very important
Principles
of Biblical Problem Solving –
-
Face Problems Realistically
-
Invite the
Lord's Help
-
Understand
How God Uses Problems.
That brings
us to the Fourth Principle of Biblical Problem Solving -- Define The Problem
Accurately.
-
Is The Problem
Changeable or Unchangeable?
The first step in defining the
problem accurately is to find out what kind of problem you are dealing
with. The place to begin is to generally decide whether the problem is changeable
or unchangeable. Let's consider changeable
problems first. Changeable problems can be as simple as a flat tire,
squeaky door, burnt out light, an annoying (but not sinful) personal habit. Or
they can be complicated problems like financial difficulties,
personality conflicts, problems with children's, addiction to drugs, etc.
These are all changeable problems!
HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS THAT ARE
BEYOND YOUR POWER TO CHANGE
Examples
of such problems are diseases, disabilities, problems with bosses or losses.
If
you conclude that a problem is beyond
your power to change, be very careful. Be sure that it is not a matter of
not wanting to deal with the problem. There is a vast difference between not
wanting to work out a problem and facing a problem that is beyond your power
work out. If you conclude that you are dealing with an unchangeable problem, you deal with it differently than you do a
changeable problem. Here's how do deal with problems that are beyond your
control.
- Give Your Expectations
To God
Psalms 62:5
My
soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
Unfulfilled
expectations will lead to frustration and bitterness. I have seen this happen
many times when counseling with people who are having conflicts with those who
are their authorities. Appeal to your authority but leave the results up to
God. If your authority does not change it is not up to you to nag them into
changing, coerce them into changing or manipulate them into changing.
Yet,
I have heard people say, "I cannot handle this situation!" Perhaps you
cannot but in a situation that is beyond you power to change you can handle the situation
with
the Lord's help!!! One example is the Willis family who lost their six
youngest children in a freak van accident. Phil.
4:13 is proving true in their lives.
- Look To The Lord For
Strength, Wisdom & Pour Out Your Heart To Him
Psalms 62:6-8 He
only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved. 7 In
God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is
in God. 8 Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before
him: God is a refuge for us. Selah
James 1:5
If any
of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and
upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
- Know that if the Lord
allows you to experience an unchangeable problem He will provide the Grace
you need to uphold you
Though
I have used Paul's "Thorn In The Flesh" many times in our study of
dealing with problems Biblically, I must used this passage again to illustrate
how we are to deal with unchangeable problems, particularly health or
physical problems. 2 Corinthians
12:8-10 For
this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he
said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made
perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my
infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take
pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in
distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come
boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to
help in time of need.
I
can share many examples where people have faced ongoing, unchangeable
problems. God is in the business of helping people deal these problems
victoriously. He will help you if you will let Him.
Let's
move on. If you have generally looked at your problem and concluded that there
is the possibility of change, then what do you do? You should...
EXAMINE THE CHANGEABLE PROBLEM
CAREFULLY
A
study of Nehemiah is helpful in understanding how to define a problem
accurately. Nehemiah begins by asking God for help. This corresponds to
our second principle of Biblical Problem Solving, Inviting The Lord's Help. Read
Nehemiah 1:4-11.
Turn
to Nehemiah 2:1-16. In this passage
we will see that Nehemiah begins by carefully
examining the situation. In examining a problem you need to do two
things --
- Probe to see how big the
problem is.
Turn
to Nehemiah 2:11-16. You will note that Nehemiah did not begin by
notifying everyone that he was going to be examining the problem. Why? I
because the real problem is often masked when people are aware that a problem
is being evaluated. For three days Nehemiah quietly observed what was going
on. Verse 16 notes, "the rulers
knew not whither I went, or what I did..." Nehemiah was inconspicuous
but careful.
While it is true we should not “make mountains out of mole
hills,” I have found that there is often more to a problem than first meets
the eye. For example, when my son was in middle school there came a time when
he did not want to go to school. He just did not feel well. At first it was no
big deal, but it continued. Upon investigation we discovered that there was an
older boy who was picking on him, knocking his books on the floor, punching
him, etc.. He had told the teacher but the teacher ignored the problem.
Locked
hand in hand with discovering the scope of the problem is the next step --
- Investigate to see who
or what is involved in the problem
Nehemiah 2:19-20 reveals that Nehemiah knew where his
opposition would come from and he planned accordingly.
You
can find out how big a problem is and who is involved by observation, asking
questions and listening carefully. I want to focus on the last two, asking questions and listening
carefully. Three scriptures that
apply here.
First, the Bible tells us in
Matthew
12:34 "...out of the abundance
of the heart the mouth speaketh." (Note: If you are seeking to define your own problem ask
yourself these questions as well.)
Second, carefully listen and weigh the responses before
you make a judgment. Proverbs 18:13 He
that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
Third, remember, there may be another side of the story
that you need to hear in order to define the problem accurately. Proverbs 18:17 He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour
cometh and searcheth him.
That
brings me to the questions to use when trying do define a problem. These
questions were developed to help individual define their own problems but they
can be adapted for use in other problem solving situations.
- QUESTIONS TO ASK THAT WILL HELP DEFINE THE PROBLEM
Situation Oriented Questions
What Happened?
When did it happen?
Where did it happen
With whom did it happen?
Feeling Oriented questions
How did you feel? (anger, joy, anxiety, fear, guilt,
pleasure, etc.)
What emotions did you express?
How Did You Respond or Behave?
What did you say?
What did you do?
What Did You Think?
What thoughts went through your mind?
What was your attitude?
What was your interpretation of the situation?
What motives are involved?
What did you want?
What did you expect?
Who or what controls you?
What is your relationship with God?
What was your relationship with God at the time?
You need not apply every question to every problem situation but if these questions are answered honestly it will help you define the problem you are facing accurately. Let's test some of these questions on a problem that is presented in
Acts
6:1-4 And in those days, when
the number of the disciples was multiplied, there arose a murmuring of the
Grecians against the Hebrews, because their widows were neglected in the daily
ministration. 2 Then the twelve called the multitude of the disciples unto
them, and said, It is not reason that we should leave the word of God, and
serve tables. 3 Wherefore, brethren, look ye out among you seven men of honest
report, full of the Holy Ghost and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this
business. 4 But we will give ourselves continually to prayer, and to the
ministry of the word.
What happened? -- the number
of the disciples was multiplied...their widows were neglected
With whom did it happen (who was involved?) -- the
Grecians against the Hebrews...the twelve...the multitude of disciples.
What emotions were
expressed? -- there
arose a murmuring
What did they want? -- their
widows were neglected in the daily ministration and they wanted that to be
stopped. But the Apostles did not want to have to stop ministering the word
and praying to operate a "Meals on wheels" program.
You will note, once the problem was defined, a
solution was offered and accepted. (vs. 3-7).
When you are examining a problem carefully you 1)
probe to see how big the problem is 2)
investigate to see who or what is involved and finally you…
-
Discover
attitudes & emotional reactions
Have
you heard the old saying, Two wrongs
don't make a right? Unquestionably
this present day proverb applies
to the Biblical problem solving environment. Let me explain how this works.
Let's say a friend gossips about you and you find out about it. It really
ticks you off because what she said was not true so you call her up to
straighten her out. When she answers the phone you say --
"Some
kind of friend you are! After all I've done for you, you turn around and spit
in my face. What kind of Christian are you anyway? I've never done such a
low-down, underhanded, fowl thing to a friend in my life. I've got to wonder
if you are a Christian. You own me an apology dearie! But even if you do
apologize I don't know whether I can believe you after what you said about me.
I think I'll just let you stew in your own juice for a while...Good bye."
Then you slam down the phone.
What's wrong here? Galatians
6:1 reveals the answer. "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are
spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering
thyself, lest thou also be tempted." The attitude
was wrong! A haughty, self-righteous attitude is evident in this
hypothetic-cal response. To be sure, the initial offense was wrong. But just
because someone sins against us, does not give us a license to sin. God holds
us responsible for our attitudes just as much as he holds the other person
responsible for his/her offense. Two
wrongs don't make a right.
There
is another attitude that is devastating to problem resolution, particularly
within families -- an unforgiving
attitude. Proverbs 18:19 points
out that this attitude is particularly widespread among family members. The
verse says, A brother offended is
harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions (disputes) are like
the bars of a castle. The word "brother" may refer to any family
relationship. In more than two decades of ministry the problems that have most
often alluded solution are problems between husbands and wives, parents and
children and problems between siblings. But this is not an exclusively family
oriented sin. Others hold this attitude too. In fact, the New Testament notes
that an unforgiving attitude is the product of self-centeredness and depraved
thinking. Turn to 2 Timothy 3:1-3 "This know also, that in the last days perilous times
shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous,
boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3
Without natural affection, trucebreakers,
false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good..."
The key word is "trucebreakers" which is the Greek word aspondos which means one
who refuses to forgive. The same Greek word is translated as implacable
in Romans 1:31. This Old English
word is defined as one who will not be pacified. Any way you slice it,
an unforgiving attitude is sin.
A haughty,
self-righteous attitude and an unforgiving
attitude often block problem solving efforts. But none is more devastating
to solving problems biblically than a
bitter attitude that seeks revenge. A common phrase that expresses
this attitude is, "I don't get angry, I get even!" That is a wrong
attitude! When we are sinned against, we must resist the desire to get
revenge. Revenge is not your right. You must leave that to God (Romans
12:17-19).
There
are numerous other wrong attitudes that you should check for such as know it
all attitude, selfish attitude, an ungrateful attitude, a rebellious attitude,
etc. They do not belong in the believers life. The truth is, that improper
attitudes complicate problems and make biblical problem solving extremely
difficult.
After
you have evaluated your attitude, you should ask yourself, "Have I displayed the proper
emotional reaction?" James
1:20 serves as an important reminder… For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of
God. We must
remember that our disposition is to be Christ honoring at all times, even when
we are under pressure. Now, that's impossible if you are walking in the flesh,
but it IS possible if you are walking in the spirit (Ephesians 4:29-32). How you respond in pressure/problem situations
will indicate whether you are walking in the flesh or walking in the spirit.
Anger,
jealousy, hatred and fear are all emotional reactions that can muddy the
waters and hinder biblical problem solving. Let's look at them briefly.
To
be sure there is such a thing as righteous anger but our anger seldom falls
into that narrow category. Our anger, most often, is of the sinful kind. Note
the following scriptures --
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom
of fools.
Proverbs 14:17
He
that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.
Psalms 37:8
Cease
from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
Proverbs 16:32
He
that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit
than he that taketh a city.
Proverbs 19:11
The
discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a
transgression (overlook an offense).
James 1:19
Wherefore,
my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to
wrath:
James 1:20 serves as an important reminder -- For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of
God.
Jealousy
coupled with hatred forms a hideous two headed monster. Now while it is true
that a person can exercise Godly jealousy and hatred (2 Corinthians 11:2; Psalm
97:10) that is seldom the case. Our
jealousy & hate is usually of the same kind as Joseph's brothers as Genesis
37:4 reveals. And
when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren,
they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
Then
there was the jealousy of King Saul. We will look at the whole story in just a
moment but I want you to see just this verse -- 1 Samuel 18:8 And
Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have
ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands:
and what can he have more but the kingdom?
Jealousy
and hatred are twin sins that hinder problem solving.
Though
problems are to be dealt with tactfully, many times people will not face what
needs to be faced because they fear the response of those involved. Proverbs
29:25 is true, The
fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be
safe. We must not allow fear to hinder us from responding Biblically.
Remember Psalms 118:6 The
LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
In
summary, we must remember that our disposition is to be Christ honoring at all
times, even when we are under pressure. Now, that's impossible if you are
walking in the flesh, but it IS possible if you are walking in the spirit (Eph.
4:29-32). How you respond in pressure/ problem situations will indicate
whether you are walking in the flesh or walking in the spirit.
Let's
look at a Biblical example of someone whose attitude & responses were
right even when he was sinned against. Turn to 1
Samuel 18:5-15.
It
is obvious from the text that King Saul was jealous of David. In fact, Saul
tried to kill David. But did you see how David responded to Saul? Verse 14
says, David behaved himself wisely
in all his ways; and the LORD was with him.
When
we are facing problems we need to model our behavior after David and behave
ourselves wisely. Even when we are sinned against, God holds us
accountable to respond properly. We do not have the right to respond sinfully.
Don't complicate problems by a bad attitude or improper response. That is just
adding fuel to the fires of sin. Follow the wise words of Proverbs 26:20-21
Where no
wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife
ceaseth. 21 As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a
contentious man to kindle strife.
In conclusion, defining changeable problems accurately requires:
- Probing to see how big the problem is
- Finding out who or what is involved
- Discovering attitudes and emotional reactions to be sure they are right
The next step in defining the problem accurately is…
Three Obstacles That
Hinder Identifying Root Problems
- Autonomy
- Blame shifting
- A Victim Mentality
What
is "autonomy?" It is the condition or quality of being autonomous;
independence. When it is applied to a person is means acting independently of
God, deciding for your self what is right and wrong. So, how does autonomy
hinder getting the real problem so that it can be solved?
Years
ago, more than 25 by now, I heard Dr. Warren Wiersbe say, "At the heart of every
problem is a problem of the heart." That little saying stuck in my mind and I have found it to be
true over and over again. Heart problems, spiritual problems, are at the root
of our problems. Why? Because every problem we face presents us with a choice.
We can either trust and obey the Lord and do His will which will bring
us closer to mental-emotional stability (Isa. 26:3-4), or, we can act independently and do our will which will
bring us closer to mental-emotional calamity (Isa. 57:20-21).
All
we have to do is look at what King David's hidden adulterous relationship with
Bathsheba did to him mentally, emotionally and physically. Listen to David's
own words in Psalms 32:3-4 -- When I kept silence, my bones
waxed old through my roaring all the day long. 4 For day and night thy hand
was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah.
Psalms 51 deals with the same incident. You can easily see
from reading this passage that doing his own will in the Bathsheba incident
made him feel dirty, cost him his joy, made him doubt his salvation and was
the source of great feelings of guilt. But you can also see from both Psalm 32
& 51 when he dealt with his problem Biblically, confessed and obeyed the
Lord mental-emotional stability returned (Psalms
32:5 I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I
said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the
iniquity of my sin. Selah.)
I
like how David closes Psalms 32 --(10-11) Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the LORD,
mercy shall compass him about. 11 Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, ye
righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.
Remember,
every problem we face presents us with a choice. We can either trust and
obey the Lord and do His will which will bring us closer to
mental-emotional stability or, we can act independently and do our will
which will bring us closer to mental-emotional calamity.
-
Let's move
on to the second obstruct to
identifying root problems... BLAME SHIFTING
Over
the years I have found that one of the main reasons that married people
initially seeks counseling is to get their partner to change. Rather than
focusing on what they should do to better the situation, each is hoping that
their partner heard what the pastor said because their partner sure needs it
and they are really to blame to the problems in the marriage. "If my wife
would just be submissive" he says. "If my husband would just cherish
me" she says.
When
you blame another person or circumstance for your problems you are saying,
"I'm not responsible for this problem. It's not my problem. You can't
hold me accountable for that!"
The
fact is, that blame shifting is as old as Adam and Eve. Let's read Genesis
3:9-13. Nobody wanted to take responsibility for the problem. Too many
people spend too much time and emotional energy trying to fix the blame
instead of working on identifying their part of the problem.
In
their book How to Counsel from Scripture
Martin & Deidre Bobgan suggest two
questions that will help bring attention away from blame to
responsibility.
- What can you do to change the situation or
relationship?
- Are you willing to change even if the other person
(such as spouse, boss, or friend) or circumstance do not change?
The
fact is, we are all accountable to God regardless of what the circumstances
are or what someone else does to us! Romans
14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
-
The
third
obstruct to identifying root problems is... A "VICTIM" MENTALITY
The
"victim mentality" is BIG in our day. Everyone is a victim. And,
when you are a victim you are not responsible for the things you think, word
you say, emotions you feel or actions you take. In short, you are not held
responsible for your sin when you are a victim in our society. The Reginald
Denny case, Bobbit case and the Menendez brothers case illustrates my point.
Though
that may be societies attitude, that is not to be the Biblical attitude.
Through the power of God Christians have the opportunity and ability to be victors
instead of victims. Think for a moment of the case of Joseph. He was hated by
his brothers (Gen 37:4-8) envied by his brothers (Gen.
37:11), kidnapped by
them and sold into slavery (Gen. 37:28). From there, things got worse. He is
falsely accused of attempted rape and put in prison (Gen. 39). Joseph could
have adopted the victim mentality and when his brothers came before him years
later he had the authority to have them skinned alive. Who could have blamed
him for murdering them? God would have held him responsible that's who!
Joseph
refused consider himself a victim. There is no hint that he was bitter. Joseph
had trusted God and knew that God had a purpose in allowing all this to
happen. Joseph was a VICTOR ! (See
Gen. 45:3-8; Gen. 50:15-21)
In
summary, there are three obstacles that hamper dealing with root problems -- Autonomy,
Blame shifting, & A Victim Mentality. Don' be responsible for throwing them in someone's path.
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