Gods Blueprint For Husbands
Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D.
EXPLANATION & OVERVIEW
The goal of marriage, according to the Bible is completeness, oneness and unity. Genesis 2:24 says, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (See also Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:6-9; Ephesians 5:31). In order to achieve this oneness or unity in a marriage the husband must know and fulfill his biblical role and the wife must know and fulfill her biblical role. The problem is that there is mass confusion and chaos today concerning what the role of the husband is and what the role of the wife is in the marital relationship.
Can you imagine the utter confusion that would exist on a football team if the players did not know what their specific responsibilities were? Or, picture the chaos and frustration in a business where there are no job descriptions, where everything is everybody's business and nothing is anybody's business, where everyone is a "chief" and no one is an "Indian". This is the kind of confusion, chaos and frustration that exists in many marriages today because there has never been a sorting out of the responsibilities. The Bible defines the wife's God-given responsibilities to her husband as well as the husband's God-given responsibilities to his wife. In this section we are going to focus on a husbands responsibility to his wife.
1. He is to love her
Let's look at the first point
1. A Husband Is Responsible To Love His Wife
The wife has such a great need for love or the husband has such a great lack of love, that God commands the husband to love his wife three times within the space of a few verses in Ephesians 5. Twice husbands are instructed to love their wives as themselves and once as Christ loved the church.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
We men usually spend a great deal of time, money and effort on ourselves. Our own desires and comforts are very important to us. When we are hungry, we eat. When we are thirsty, we drink. When we are tired, we sleep. When we want our "toys" we buy them. When we want entertainment we turn on the TV or video. Very naturally and carefully and fervently we nourish and cherish ourselves.
TIME OUT!!! Men, the Scripture indicates, the true way a man is to love his wife. He is to nourish her, cherish her, protect her, satisfy her, provide for her, care for her, sacrifice for her to the same degree and extent, and in the same manner as he does himself. Scripture also says, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: Ephesians 5:28-29 "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church." Ephesians 5:25
How did Christ love the church? To be sure we cannot fully understand the love that Christ has for the church. Scripture speaks of the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge (Ephesians. 3:17-19).
Since we are to love our wives like Christ loves the Church, (that is, as individual Christians) this then is the standard by which a husband is to judge his love for his wife!
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is another very helpful passage. It goes to great lengths to describes biblical actions of love...
Men, when you measure your love for your wife by the 1 Corinthians 13 yardstick, how are you doing? Do you really love your wife as you love yourself? Are you really pressing toward the goal of loving your wife as Christ loved the church? Is your love for your wife unconditional, volitional, intensive, unending, unselfish, purposeful, sacrificial and obvious? This is the kind of love that we are to have for our wives.
Gods Will For Every Husband Is That He Love His Wife!
Now on to the second point
2. A Husband Is Responsible To Lead His Wife
Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
1 Timothy 3:4-5 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1 Timothy 2:11-14 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
The Bible is clear. The husband has the God ordained responsibility to be the head of his wife and the head of the home. He will be accountable to God for how he exercises that leadership!
Now, since men have that responsibility and will be held responsible for how we lead our wives and our homes, we need to understand what headship or leadership really is!
Many think of a leader as one who barks out orders and bosses others around. Others hold the dictatorial view of leadership looking at leadership as empowering the leader with absolute power and supreme authority. Others look at leadership as one who guides the group.
The dictionary definition of a leader is this "A person or thing that leads; directing, commanding, or guiding head, as of a group or activity."
Then the dictionary gives several illustrations of leadership
Music: The conductor is a leader; the main performer in an instrumental or vocal section is a leader.
Horses: A lead horse is first in the harness before all others in the same hitch.
Matthew 20:20-28 reveals Christs Design of Leadership. It shows us what leadership is and what it is not.
Matthew 20:20-28 Then came to him the mother of Zebedee's children with her sons, worshipping him, and desiring a certain thing of him. 21 And he said unto her, What wilt thou? She saith unto him, Grant that these my two sons may sit, the one on thy right hand, and the other on the left, in thy kingdom. 22 But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto him, We are able. 23 And he saith unto them, Ye shall drink indeed of my cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with: but to sit on my right hand, and on my left, is not mine to give, but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared of my Father. 24 And when the ten heard it, they were moved with indignation against the two brethren. 25 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them (2634 -- katakurieuo, kat-ak-oo-ree-yoo'-o; to lord against, i.e. control, subjugate), and they that are great exercise authority upon them (2715 --katexousiazo, kat-ex-oo-see-ad'-zo; to have (wield) full privilege over: domineer). 26 But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister (1249. diakonos, dee-ak'-on-os -- to run on errands; a waiter); 27 And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant (1401. doulos, doo'-los -- a servant, a slave; one who is in a permanent relationship of servitude to another): 28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto (1247. diakoneo, dee-ak-on-eh'-o; -- to be an attendant, i.e. wait upon) , but to minister (1247), and to give his life a ransom for many.
This passage gives us the Bible's concept of a leader. According to this passage, a true leader is first and foremost a servant. His concern is not for himself or having his own way but the main concern of a leader is to meet the needs of others. Indeed, if the best interests of others are not on his heart, he is not a biblical leader. When I refer to the "best interest of others" I am not referring to helping others do or get what they want, but helping them to do or get what they need. And this is within a biblical context. For instance, a father will train up his children in the way they should go, not the way they want to go (Prov. 22:6). This is in the childs best interest. This is biblical leadership.
John 13:1-15 gives us the same picture of what it means to be a leader. In this passage, the emblem of leadership is not a throne or a club but a big towel and a basin. In other words, a leader must have a servant's heart. And if he has a servant's heart, he will act like a servant and react like a servant. Like a lead horse, he is first in the harness and leads by example. Therefore a husband is to be the chief servant, first in the harness, pulling his load and helping the others to pull their loads.
Pastors and Church Leaders -- 1 Peter 5:3 Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock. The word "lords" is the Greek word (katakurieuo - kat-ak-oo-ree-yoo'-o; 2634) which means to lord against or to control, subjugate. "Ensamples" is the Greek word tupos (too'-pos - 5179) which means a model or pattern. In the context, pastors and church leaders are to be models or patterns of Christ. Therefore a husband is to be a model or pattern of Christ in his home!
1 Thessalonians 2:5-11 For neither at any time used we flattering words, as ye know, nor a cloak of covetousness; God is witness: 6 Nor of men sought we glory, neither of you, nor yet of others, when we might have been burdensome, as the apostles of Christ. 7 But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: 8 So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us. 9 For ye remember, brethren, our labour and travail: for labouring night and day, because we would not be chargeable unto any of you, we preached unto you the gospel of God. 10 Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe: 11 As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children.
Being a leader, biblically speaking, means that the husband must be the family's biggest servant. He leads by example. He is not a cruel dictator, but a loving leader, with the best interests of his wife on his heart, leading by example. (Colossians 3:19)
Men, we need to measure our headship by the following passage...
Ephesians 5:23-29 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
What do we see about the husbands headship in this passage?
First, he is to be the head of his wife even as Christ is the head of the church. What does that mean?
Men, our great model in leadership is Jesus Christ, who made Himself a servant (Phil. 2:6-8); who came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45); who is head over all things for the sake of the church (Eph. 1:22, 23). Whatever Jesus Christ does, He does for our sake, He does with our best interests at heart.
In similar fashion, the husband is to have his wifes best interests at heart as indicated by 1 Peter 3:7.
Christs Example of Leadership