God’s Blueprint For Parents
Pastor David L. Brown, Ph.D.
Review
God has a blueprint, as it were, for marriage and family
relationships. This "blueprint," revealing God’s will for the
family, is clearly revealed in the Bible. God has a will for husbands, wives,
parents and children. So far, we have considered…
- God’s Will For The Husband
It is God’s will that every husband love his wife (Eph. 5:25, 28,
33) and lead his wife (Eph. 5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3; Gen. 3:16).
It is God’s will that every wife submit to her husband (Eph.
5:22-23 & 33) and it is God’s will that the wife help, assist and
complete her husband (Gen. 2:18-22).
Next, we move on to…
It is God’s will for all parents that they rear their children
Biblically (Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4)
Three of the most delightful experiences of our lives have
been when Linda gave birth to Steven, Karla and Sarah. I was present and
assisted (in a minor way) in their birthing. I can’t recall any other events
that have been more anxious but exhilarating, frightening yet exciting,
agonizing yet joyful, exhausting (for Linda) yet pleasurable than the birth of
our 3 children. We indeed count "the fruit of the womb" as
"his reward."
But, we soon realized that, contrary to what some people
think, (usually people who have not had children), that children are not
"little angels."
The Biblical View of A Child’s Nature
Psalms 51:5
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in
sin did my mother conceive me.
Psalms 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb:
they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies. Note: From the
moment of birth, children are estranged from God and his righteousness.
Simply stated, they are sinners!
Ephesians 2:3 Among whom also we all had our
conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of
the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even
as others. Note: The phrase by nature literally means by
birth. Children, by birth are sinners, destined to be subject to the wrath of
God. The unsaved person is condemned already (John 3:18). The sentence
has been passed, yet God, in His mercy is staying the execution of the sentence
to give people the opportunity to personally trust Christ (2 Peter 3:8-9).
In fact, what I am saying is that children do not naturally do what is right!
They do not naturally make the right choices in life. They do not anxiously
follow that which is right, holy and good. In fact, Proverbs 22:15a tells
us, Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child…" not
righteousness. Since this is true, what are parents to do?
There are some who suggest that "they are just going
through a stage which they will eventually grow out of." That is just not
true! The Bible says, The rod and reproof give
wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Proverbs 29:15
That brings me to the parents. God makes it clear in his Word
that he expects parents to bring up children, and not let them go their own way.
God’s Will For Parents
- It is God’s will that parents rear their children
biblically
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should
go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
The command given here is to parents. Parents are to train
their children in the way they should go not the way they want to go.
But, the question is, what way should they go?
We find that answer in Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your
children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the
Lord. The word nurture is the translation of a
Greek word which refers to the teaching of children which includes the
disciplinary correction of them. The word admonition comes from
the Greek word which means to call attention to by warning, admonishing and
counseling. So, here’s what we have. Fathers are told that it is their
responsibility to instruct, disciple, warn and counsel their children according
to the principles the LORD has given to us. And we know that those principles
are revealed in the Bible…
- Teach them the 2 Commandments of the Lord (Mat. 2:37-40)
- Teach them the Scriptures and their need of a Savior (2
Tim. 3:15)
- Teach them to obey you (Eph. 6:1)
- Teach them to flee youthful lusts and follow righteousness,
etc. (2 Tim. 2:22)
- Teach them to walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16 & ff)
One more question I want to answer. How long are parents to
do this? This is revealed in the phrase bring them up. That is one
word in the Greek -- ektrefete
- ektrepho (ek-tref'-o; 1625). The word means to train
up to maturity. Simply stated, God holds parents responsible for the
instruction, disciplining, warning and counseling their children until they come
to maturity, which was generally considered to be when they were of marriageable
age.
As a matter of clarification, I want to make it clear that
both parents are to be involved in bringing up the children. The Scriptures make
that clear. Note these two examples --
Proverbs 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy
father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Proverbs 6:20 My son, keep thy father's commandment,
and forsake not the law of thy mother:
To be sure dad is to be the head of the house (1 Timothy 3:5)
but mom is to be the primary keeper at home (Titus 2:5). [Note: the
phrase "keepers at home…" is a translation of the Greek word oikourouV,
oikouros (oy-koo-ros'; 3626) which means a stayer at home; one who
guards or looks after the affairs of the home.
- God’s Will For Parents Is To Rear Their Children
Biblically!
But what if you have an unsaved spouse?
Paul gives us
insight into this situation in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14 But to the rest
speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be
pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13 And the woman which hath
an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her
not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the
unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children
unclean; but now are they holy. This passage clearly states that the
believing spouse can have a sanctifying influence on the children, even if the
other spouse is an unbeliever. A wonderful example of this is pointed out by
Paul in 2 Timothy 1:5 When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith
that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother
Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also. Evidently Timothy’s father
was unsaved. But grandma and mom pointed Timothy to Christ. While there is no
doubt that this is difficult, particularly when the wife is married to an
unsaved husband, Eunice is an example of the influence a Christian mother can
have.
If both the husband and wife are believers, it is extremely
important that you are together in the rearing of your children. You need to be
supportive of each other. You must not undermine each other in the training and
discipline of your children. In order for that to happen you must communicate
regularly with each other about your children.
- Three Tips That Will Help You Rear Your Children Biblically
There are three thoughts that I will share with you that can
help you rear your children biblically…
- Realize That You Are Your Child’s Hero, Dad
- Communicate With Your Children Constantly
- Love Your Children Fervently
Let’s look at each of these individually.
- Dad’s, Realize That You Are Your Child’s First Hero,
Therefore Live A Consistent Christian Life Before Them
Proverbs 17:6 Children's children are the crown of
old men; and the glory (boast) of children are their fathers.
This verse tells us that dad’s are the hero’s of their
young children! That certainly was true of me. I loved to brag about my dad when
I was a kid. He was "the greatest" in my eyes. I can even remember
pretending I was my dad. I’d put on his fireman’s helmet, jump in the fire
truck (my bicycle) and race off to fight the fire and save the people, just like
my dad. Dad was my hero. I talked about him and his exploits often to the other
kids. We have had some great times together and I have learned a lot from my
dad.
Dad’s, your young children look at you as their hero and
protector. That is a weighty responsibility. In light of that responsibility,
you need to be the right kind of hero or role model. And, you need to take
advantage of your position and model Christian character and conduct before your
children. Young boys and girls, for the most part, determine what a "real
man" is, based upon the example of their fathers. For this reason, make
sure that your children see in you…Real men make Christ first priority in
their lives; Real men read their Bibles; Real men pray; Real men go to church;
Real men are active public witnesses for Christ; Real men love their wives; Real
men take time for their children, etc.
A wise father takes his position as "hero" or
primary role model seriously and seeks to live a consistent Christian life
before his children.
- Communicate With Your Children Constantly, Teaching Them To
Love The Lord And Live For Him
Read Deuteronomy 6:3-15.
Noah Webster (1758-1843), whom American history refers to as "the
Schoolmaster of the Nation," was on the right track when he said, "Education
is useless without the Bible…God’s Word, contained in the Bible, has
furnished all the necessary rules to direct our conduct."
Parents, one of the most important tasks you have, when it
comes to rearing your children, is to open a line of communication with your
children early so that you can begin etching upon your child’s mind the words
and principles of the Bible. This is important for at least two reasons. 1) It
is the Scriptures that will point your child to Christ and Heaven (2 Tim.
3:15) instead of Satan and Hell. 2) It is the Scriptures that will program
your child’s moral compass (Psa. 119:9-11).
When should you begin? Begin as soon as the child is born!
Talk to them and be sure to talk to them about the Lord. Sing to them and
include biblical songs. Read Bible stories to them and the Bible itself. Pray
with them. When they get old enough to begin talking to you, be sure to listen
to them and respond to them. Moms, when they go to school, one of the best and
most important times to talk with your children is as soon as they walk in the
door. You can learn a lot about your child and what’s going on in his/her life
if you talk to them as soon as they come home from school.
There are other good times to talk to your kids as well. Two
major times in our home where communication took place was around the supper
table and at bedtime. Keep in mind that you need to use the Bible as the
yardstick for measuring behavior and setting family guidelines. Around our
supper table we would talk about some of the following things…
- Share our testimonies of how we came to Christ
- Talk about what Salvation is and why we need to be saved
- Note Godly or ungodly character in our discussions
- Share how to handle life situations biblically
- Pose hypothetical situations and then explain how to
respond biblically
- Discuss the meaning of Bible words and passages and then
tell how we can put them into practice in our own lives
- Pray together
- Read the Bible together
Just a quick note about bedtime…I talked to, and told
stories to my children well into their teenage years. I had fun with them by
telling them little stories. Sometimes they were silly, and often I used them as
a teaching tool. They looked forward to this time and I miss it, yet to this
day. God used this time to knit our family together. After the story, we would
pray and tuck them in.
Parents, if you are going to rear your children biblically
you need to take every opportunity to communicate with your children, teaching
them to love the Lord Jesus Christ and to live for Him. Your most important
mission is to point your child to Salvation in Christ and then to teach them how
to live for the Lord.
- Love Your Children Fervently
Children need to know that their parents love them. This
needs to be seen in the parent's actions and spoken by their words. Paul told
Titus that the older women were to teach the younger woman to love their
children (Titus 2:4). We know that dads are to love their children as
well, because we are instructed to "turn away" from men who are
"without natural affection" (2 Tim. 3:3 &5). The
phrase "without natural affection" is a translation of the
Greek word astorgoi - astorgos (as'-tor-gos;
794) which means one who does not love his family. Dad’s your children
need the security of hearing that they are loved! Wise fathers tell their
children often, "I love you!"
To be sure, loving your children is more than just the
expression of words. Acts of kindness and involvement, a hug and kiss, proper
loving touches, etc. are all important expressions of love. Loving your children
also includes setting clear boundaries for expected behavior (Prov. 22:6).
Children should be praised when they obey, and disciplined (including spanking)
when the child breaches that boundary (Prov. 13:24). It is unloving to
allow your children to be rowdy, rebellious and undisciplined. Our society is
reaping a crop to violence today, because parents have refused to discipline
their children biblically. Love your children enough to establish clear,
consistent, understandable boundaries in attitude and conduct and then spank
them soundly when they cross the line.
Summary
I have shared three thoughts that will help you bring up your
children biblically, according to Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers,
provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord.
- Realize That You Are Your Child’s Hero, Dad, Therefore Live
A Consistent Christian Life Before Them
- Communicate With Your Children Constantly, Teaching Them To
Love The Lord And Live For Him
- Love Your Children Fervently, Expressing It In Actions And Words
God's Will For Parents Is:
To Rear Their Children Biblically.
To Accomplish This, You need Christ! Is He Your Savior?
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